Update:  Quote from my below post:  ".... just image what I could win suing McDonalds for sugar-poisoning a diabetic."

According to this news story, a diabetic woman is suing Dunkin' Donuts for being served coffee spiked with sugar.  Now, however tempting it may be of trying to leverage my experience with McDonalds into a potentially lucrative frivolous lawsuit, let's be honest here:  Because Diabetics must avoid simple carbs like sugar, we can immediately tell when we are eating food heavily sweetened thusly.  So, this woman who claims she guzzled a sugar poisoned coffee, and then went into diabetic shock....well, when I had my first spoonful of sweetened oatmeal from McDonalds, I immediately spit it out. No diabetic shock, just disgust at McDonalds for being brain dead.   Still, it will be interesting to see of this woman gets much of anything other than a coupon from Dunkin Donuts for a replacement un-sweetened coffee.

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So McDonalds has been in the news of late for everything from their Happy Meals being banned in San Francisco to bloody brawls in a couple of their restaurants.  Thus, it's my turn to pile on.

Recently, McDonalds introduced "hot oatmeal" to their breakfast menu in my area.   I pull up to the drive-thru and a cheery recorded voice asks me if I'd like to try a cup of their "hot oatmeal" for breakfast.  "Sure", I say.  So, I place my order for their "hot oatmeal" and pull up and pay for my own 'happy meal; and get my extra special "hot oatmeal".

But, there's a problem (I know you knew there would be).  You see, as I mentioned in another post, I suffer from a couple chronic ailments growing more common among the middle-aged here in the United States.  One of those ailments is Type II Diabetes.  Now, oatmeal is great for Type II diabetics.  It's properties for helping with blood sugar control are well established.  It's one of the best foods a diabetic can have for breakfast, if not the best.  You can imagine my delight when I was offered "hot oatmeal" as I pulled up to the drive thru!  Oatmeal beats an Egg McMuffin (which is really too high in carbs if you eat the 'muffin' part) like paper covers scissors.

With my "hot oatmeal" in hand, I carry on to my destination and dig in, noting chopped bits of apple and raisins (fine for diabetics in moderation). 

"Spitui!"

It's sweetened.  My "hot oatmeal" is loaded with sugar.  Chopped apples are fine, green raisins are fine, but frigging maple syrup is not fine.  Disgusted, my "hot oatmeal" goes in the trash - money down the drain.  Now I'm pissed-off.  Unsweetened oatmeal may be great for diabetics, but it takes time to prepare (unless you like yours 'instant' which personally, I don't) so the prospect of having a primo-for-diabetics breakfast from a fast food joint seemed too good to be true.  And it was.  Not only did McDonalds ruin this health-food offering for diabetics, but there was no warning at the drive thru that the damned oatmeal was tanked up with sugar.  The recorded greeting should have said: "Would you like to try our hot oatmeal poisoned with sugar this morning?"  Then I would have made an informed consumer choice:  "No frigging thanks!"

I was pissed-off enough to take the time to email McDonalds, and complain about their stupidity at sweetening ordinarily good-for-you oatmeal, a universally recognized health food.  I pointed out to the Golden Arch boys/girls that we diabetics can't eat their precious oatmeal, and perhaps it would have been better to offer the maple syrup on-the-side in a packet so consumers can decide for themselves if they want it sweet or not.  That would make this fine breakfast offering edible for diabetics, and those lucky enough not to have this affliction could lather on the syrup to their heart's content, if they wished. 

I got a clown reply email from Ronald McDonald.  I want you all to read it:

"Hello [redacted]:

Thank you for contacting McDonald's. Customer feedback is very important to us, and I'm sorry to hear that you're disappointed with our Fruit and Maple Oatmeal.

Be assured that at McDonald's, we continually review our menu to ensure that we serve the products that our customers will enjoy most. As appropriate, our Menu Management team makes changes or enhancements to our menu. We strive to satisfy the tastes of the nearly 50 million people we serve each day.

Again, thank you for contacting McDonald's. We look forward to serving you for many years to come.

JessicaMcDonald's Customer Response Center"


So let's read between the lines here:

'Dear dumb-ass customer - how stupid can you be ordering up a cup of our "Fruit and Maple Oatmeal" if you're a diabetic?  Don't you know what "Fruit and Maple" means?  Sorry you blew around $3 on food you couldn't eat.  Maybe you should be more careful next time.  With 50 million daily mouths to feed, we don't give a flying F#$@ about this significant and growing minority of carbohydrate sensitive people.  Please go take a flying leap, and don't let our restaurant doors slap you in the ass on the way out!'

Let's take careful note here:  Ronald didn't even offer to remedy my wasted money.  Not even the obligatory here's-a-coupon-now-please-go-away gratuity.  No free Happy Meal for me.  If I am so stupid as to take an offering of "hot oatmeal", then the joke is on me.

My public reply to McDonalds is offered here as follows:

Dear Jessica:

Screw you, and your employer.  I had NO FRIGGING CLUE your damned oatmeal had maple syrup in it, as I purchased this product via your damned drive-thru, and neither your damned recorded message offering "hot oatmeal" or your less-than-cheerful staff at the restaurant bothered to mention it.  I know you expect customers to study your menu board for the detailed "Fruit and Maple Hot Oatmeal" menu item, then link up to the internet via cell phone and pull up the McDonalds website and search for the ingredients list for your fine sugar-poisoned offering, but in the real world, it doesn't frigging happen.  Exactly who is the dumb-ass here anyway?

I bought "hot oatmeal".  It was poisoned with sugar.  End of story.  Wouldn't that make for an interesting lawsuit.  If someone can get millions for spilling hot coffee on themselves, just image what I could win suing McDonalds for sugar-poisoning a diabetic.

The bottom line here is that big bad evil mega-corporation McDonalds doesn't give a rats ass for the problems of carbohydrate sensitive customers scattered among those 50 million daily hungry mouths.  The above form letter, and the stupid lathering on of maple syrup to a universally recognized health food was, is, and always shall be STUPID, CALLOUSED, AND THOUGHTLESS.

Now juxtapose this customer service experience with one I had with Five Guys Burgers and Fries: 

I ordered one of their fine best-in-class burgers (which beat the pants off that tasteless crap beef McDonalds serves).  Hey, it's an indulgence.  I'd love to have a Five Guys burger every day, but I also would like to live a few more years, at least.  So anyway....I got a bad Five Guys burger.  I got it take out, and so I was frustrated when I got home and the burger was a mess.  So I emailed Five Guys.  Well, I got almost an instant reply, from a regional manager, not a pin-head functionary, and they flipped out (pun intended) that I was unhappy with the quality of my purchase.  They fell all over themselves with apologies.  Offered to set up a meeting with the manager of the store, and offered me the obligatory free meal replacement (which I declined, as I wasn't looking to mooch free food, just let them know they could have done better).  Five Guys made good.  I am a totally satisfied customer even though I did get a crummy burger from them one time. 

McDonalds, however, just sucks.  All the way around.

Are you listening Jessica? 

Ronald?

Mr. Skinner?

Jackasses all.